when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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