3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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