I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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