I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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