I want to make a zoo with you.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
