Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
