here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
