dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
