How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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