what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
