My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
