she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
