Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
