Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
