I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
