Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
