I wish my penis had an off switch
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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