The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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