The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
