mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
