wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
