His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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