Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
