So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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