I looked at my own cervix.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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