I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
