You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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