You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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