Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
It's just like the Real World with babies
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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