Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
They have beer where we have blood.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
