i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
