Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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