Yo dont text me then not text me
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
