Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
