Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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