And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
