Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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