Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I would fuck him just for his dog
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
