The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
