I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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