'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
