I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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