Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
