happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
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