We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
