just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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