Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
