saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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