My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
