She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
