oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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