franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just forgot I was standing up.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
