just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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