Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
