woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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