I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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