I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Randomize
