normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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