I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
